“Time accrued” is the devil when it comes to taking time off from work. In fact, just the other day me and a colleague found ourselves looking around at empty cubicles of all the 40-something-year-old employees who were out on a vacations because after working for 10+ years, they finally accrued vacation time at a rate where they could take an entire week off. I learned about the “PTO shuffle” the hard way in a position I held at a parenting education non-profit for about five years. My second year I started at the organization full-time after working a year as an independent contractor where I was paid on an hourly basis with no benefits such as health insurance or vacation time. When I started full-time, I felt like I had reached the professional promise land landing my first gig where I would have paid time off. At twenty-something, being able to take a Monday where I could start my morning with a bath bomb and a Jhene playlist and then literally become an appendage to my living room couch and STILL get paid made me feel like an official adult that finally made something of herself.

Unfortunately after I had been working a few months in that position, that winter my asthma decided that my hospital would be my second home for a few months and few flare ups sent me on multiple trips to the ER where I was sent home with plenty of prednisone and liquid albuterol to help my lungs get it together so I’d have enough strength to walk from my front door to the car. Seriously, before I got my asthma under control, walks from my office to the bathroom (which was literally the length of the whole building away) made me question was I capable of even performing at work.

During that time I learned the difference between paid vacation and PTO. At this job the PTO policy was that all days were grouped together, both sick and vacation, meaning as long as you had accrued the time you could request time off for a specific date or use that time to call out sick or for any other personal purposes. So if you don’t know how this story ends I basically blew through most of the time I had accrued trying to make my lungs function before I had the chance to enjoy any kind of vacation. And this my friends is where the beauty in the distinction between sick, personal and vacation days lies. Because for those of us that don’t have flexible schedules or can’t telecommute the fact of the matter is that sick days are really something most people don’t want to have. I shouldn’t have to pull from a vague pool of time off because tree pollen is plotting on the downfall of my lungs or if I had some bad fish tacos that have forced me to be BFF’s with the toilet. Sick days are for when you’re sick and vacation days are when you actually want to enjoy a day off.

A web developer from a Michigan-based company called Olark Live Chat sparked some conversation on social media earlier this week about taking time off and quantity verses quality. When Madalyn Parker was honest about taking a day off not because of bad fish tacos or some other lame excuse contrived that sounds better than, “I don’t feel like dealing with the damn office today,” her CEO sent her a response that many of us would probably be relieved to receive. Parker sent an e-mail to her team with, “Where’s Madalyn?” in the subject line, followed by a message that read:

“I’m taking today and tomorrow to focus on my mental health. Hopefully I’ll be back next week refreshed and back to 100%.”

But what helped this exchange go viral was CEO’s Ben Congleton’s response, a reply that many of us would be quite surprised to see from our supervisors:

“I just wanted to personally thank you for sending emails like this.”

“Every time you do, I use it as a reminder of the importance of using sick days for mental health — I can’t believe this is not standard practice at all organizations. You are an example to us all, and help cut through the stigma so we can all bring our whole selves to work.”

I know that’s right, Mr. Congleton. Do you know how many Monday mornings I’ve laid in bed on a doing some creative math after hitting the snooze button three times? “If I call out today it will take my approximately two pay periods to get those hours back. Should I save this time for a snow day? What if the baby gets sick and I don’t have the time to take? Oh well, F it. Don’t pay me then. But I’m going off three hours of sleep and if Rita in Finance comes by clicking that goddamn pen, I’m going to lose my s**t, right along with this damn job.” In the end I usually end up texting my supervisor that I “can’t adult today” under the guise of, “I have a headache,” or “My throat is extremely sore and I’m stuffy.” Then I spend the rest of the day feeling guilty and over-analyzing what my supervisor’s “OK, we’ll talk,” reply really means, which actually ends up defeating the whole purpose of my mental health day.

Parker and Congleton’s exchange was met with both co-signs and confusion as Twitter users debated how much mental health days need to become common practice in the workplace and other’s simply didn’t get the big deal:

But *vacations* are for mental health too. So then really what's difference btwn sick leave & vacation leave? Could be just 1 leave policy

— Andrew Cohen (@acohenNY) July 1, 2017

Well, here’s the damn difference Mr. Cohen. Putting a request in to my supervisor in February to be on a Greek Island in late October of 2018 is a lot different than attempting to face a work day after getting three hours of sleep because my two-year-old spent half the night breaking down because I wouldn’t let her stuff her shoes in the Diaper Genie. I’ve seen people fight to come to work through everything from a hangover and to finding their husband cheating that morning. What this situation sheds light on is if having a body behind a computer is really better than having an employee’s whose head is in the game too? And truth be told, a broken heart can hurt just as much as a bad asthma flare-up. That’s why I like the idea of having personal days at my present 9-5, which each employee is granted 3 a year in addition to the hours they accrue in sick time. Management also makes the effort to check in with staff to let them know they are there if folks need to process feelings or are struggling through difficult times. For example, the day after our current U.S. president was elected, management held a meeting so folks could express their feelings and were totally understanding if folks were simply “unable to can” that day as we worried over the fate of the country. Non-profit pay may not be the best but I must say the heavy emphasis on self-care is a perk. Because sometimes not wanting to be at work is just as simple as you don’t feel like it, and not necessarily some carefully crafted excuse that involves a bathroom or bed rest. And also because sometimes you just want to text your supervisor that you need to get your head together, without reliving the graphic details of finding your husband’s head in between the neighbor’s legs.

In 2015, 658 million vacation days were forfeited by American workers, averaging out to about 2 days per employee. Why are folks feeling like their shackled to their desktops? Some of the reasons include employees feeling like there is no one to cover their duties while there are away. Some feel as if they’ll have to deal with negative feedback from a supervisor upon their return and others are worried about keeping their jobs altogether. Fortunately, more and more companies are focusing on the quality of employees and their work and the importance of investing in them more than their bottom line. In addition many employers are working to create a culture where employees feel like rest, leisure and time off are essential to their productivity and quality of work without feeling like they’re doing their employer a disservice by using time off they’ve earned.

What’s your employer’s take on “mental health days”?

Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a  passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

 

The post This Manager’s Response To Employee’s Mental Health Day May Be Raising The Bar For Offices Everywhere appeared first on MadameNoire.

You may recall in the days long before Queen Sugar and the Hershey Kiss better known as Kofi Siriboe, Oprah’s OWN network was having a hard time. The network’s knight in shining armor came in the form of writer, actor, director Tyler Perry signing on to create exclusive content in the form of scripted series for the channel. Shows like The Haves and Have Nots and Love Thy Neighbor turned OWN’s weak ratings and program missteps completely around.

After a few years into this dynamic duo’s progress, it appears that Perry is spreading his wings. The Los Angeles Times reports that the entertainment mogul recently entered into a comprehensive, multi-year content partnership with Viacom Inc., the parent company of BET, Comedy Central and a number of other networks. With this deal, viewers will get to see Perry’s work every time they reach for the remote as he’ll produce approximately 90 episodes annually of original drama and comedy series for BET and other Viacom networks to which Viacom will possess exclusive licensing rights to. In addition Viacom will have exclusive distribution rights to the “Madea” creator’s short-form video content also granting Paramount Films “first look” rights on any of Perry’s new feature films material. The deal goes into effect in May 2019, following the expiration of Perry’s contract with OWN, and will extend until 2024.

But does this mean that all isn’t well in the Harpo household? A statement from OWN maintains that the network will continue a working relationship with Perry and that the Viacom deal doesn’t reflect any disputes between Perry and OWN:

“OWN has an exclusive overall television production deal with Tyler Perry that runs through May of 2019 with series airing on the network through 2020. At the end of the exclusive relationship, OWN and Tyler Perry have the option to work together on a non-exclusive basis.”

And as far as this new venture, Perry shares that he’s looking forward to reaching new audiences:

“Viacom has a rich tradition of reaching my audience through their TV, film and digital platforms and I am excited to partner with them. I am eager to have one home where I can leverage all of their assets to tell my stories to an even wider audience.”

And of course, BET is welcoming the “Why Did  Get Married” wonder boy with open arms.  In a statement, Debra L. Lee, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of BET Networks, shared:

“I am delighted that we are deepening our longstanding relationship with Tyler. BET co-funded Tyler’s very first feature film, we’ve aired his movies and many of his series with great success on our networks, and we’ve honored his tremendous talent with our signature awards.”

It appears that Perry’s newly purchased land will be getting plenty of good use. The deal comes about a year after Perry acquired a 330-acre historic U.S. Army base in Atlanta, Ga. that is the headquarters for his Tyler Perry Studios, the site for his films and TV series.

The post Tell Him Boy Bye! Does Tyler Perry’s Deal With Viacom Mean He’s Done With OWN? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Twitter is a wonderful place that connects fans, actors and movie makers alike sometimes making our fan fiction and casting dreams come true. When a fabulous pic of singer Rihanna and Lupita Nyong’o went viral and fans casted them in an epic heist movie, director Ava Duvernay signed on to make it happen, reportedly signing on Issa Rae to write the script. The genius of the Internet has struck again, this time to make millennials’ after-school TV-time dreams come true.

A fan recently suggested on social media that Tracee Ellis Ross play the famed Ms. Frizzle, the quirky school teacher on the 90’s classic series the Magic Schoolbus who would take her students on adventures to “navigate a nostril” or “spank a plankton too.”

https://twitter.com/raveyrai/status/882993831062507522

The black-ish star caught wind of the fan’s request and posted a response that she’s completely game for making an appearance in the reboot of the animated adventure:

Well it looks like Twitter has spoken! So tell me guys: who should write? Who should direct? Ms. Frizzle is all earshttps://t.co/uDI80QP1IG

— Tracee Ellis Ross (@TraceeEllisRoss) July 16, 2017

The curly hair, the offbeat personality, the balance of beauty and brains: It all makes so much sense. However it looks like Ellis-Ross and her fans may have missed the bus with this idea. Variety reports Saturday Night Live’s Kate McKinnon has signed on for the role of Ms. Frizzle in Netflix’s upcoming reboot of the Magic School Bus. The reimagining was announced in 2014 with 14 episodes to air on Netflix using CG as opposed to traditional animation.

Looks like the geniuses of Twitter were too late (but definitely not too little) with this idea, but hopefully the next great casting idea to give us some good old 90’s nostalgia will be able to come to fruition. So who are looking to star in that Ghostwriter reboot, guys?

The post Will Tracee Ellis Ross Be Making Our Magic School Bus Dreams Come True? appeared first on MadameNoire.

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There’s a nice song by R&B singer Ledisi titled “Can’t Help Who You Love.”The lyrics include, “You can’t help who you love/You can’t know whose at fault/The heart lives in a world of it’s own no control/You can’t help who you love.”

While I’m sure the song is for entertainment purposes only, it’s an opinion that many people have. The idea that you have no control over who you fall in love with is a popular one. But if you ask me, this is absolutely false. You have many people who argue that love is simply a feeling, albeit a strong one. Here’s the problem with that theory.

Let’s say you meet a nice, attractive man. You exchange numbers and talk (not just text) a lot. Eventually, you can’t wait to hang out with him and do so several times a week. Over the next few months you both grow this intense attraction to each other and find yourselves falling in love. Things are going well until you have that one huge argument, trust is challenged or boredom starts to set in. Regardless of how you feel about each other, the decision to stay in the relationship is introduced.

In her matron of honor speech, my best friend told my husband and I to “choose love” when things get tough in our marriage or when we want to walk away. Of course, we love each other, but making it a priority to choose to love each other on a daily basis, even when we’re upset, is another component that is solely based on our daily actions. These are actions that are not fueled by an emotion in the moment, but rather, by keeping in mind the love that we have for one another and the desire to make it work. To love someone is a choice.

In fact, Dr. Ken Pillemer, author of 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest American on Love, Relationships, and Marriage, said that even choosing to be polite to your partner can be the difference between a long-lasting relationship and one that can quickly disintegrate.

“Relationships are made up of hundreds or thousands of daily micro-interactions where you have the opportunity to be positive and supportive to your partner, or to be dismissive and uninterested,” Pillemer told the Huffington Post.

So what happens when you do meet that special someone who makes your heart flutter and your skin glow? It’s not just feelings, it’s science.

In one of her TED talks, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher describes an experiment that she performed on the brains of people who were in love. What she found was that “Romantic love is not emotion, it’s a drive.”

What happens when a person has an affair? Did they not choose to put themselves in a position to fall in love with someone else? They did. They could help it. Are they held captive to their feelings for the person that they are sneaking around with? I think not. Whether it’s an emotional affair or a physical one, a person has made the choice, every time, to sleep with another individual or to divulge personal information.

When discussing the reasons people cheat, Fisher explained that romantic love, along with attraction and attachment, involve “overlapping but separate brain systems.” As she told CNN in 2012, “It’s not hard for somebody to sexually desire one person, be infatuated with another, and still want to spend the rest of his or her life with a third.” But once again, it’s all about a choice, and we control the choices we make.

If loving someone was solely based on emotions and chemistry, the number of marriages would plummet and the divorce rate would climb, as people would jump ship at the first sign of the smallest issue. So for those of us in healthy relationships, we must continue to choose love, even when we’re feeling less than in love with the way our partners are at times. Love can be great and exciting when it’s with the right person, but feelings are fleeting. You can always help who you fall in love with, just as you can always help who you stay in love with, too.

The post I Wish People Would Stop Saying “You Can’t Help Who You Love” appeared first on MadameNoire.

There are things about dating outside one’s race that run deeper than allegations of disloyalty and a few nasty looks when you walk down the street together. On top of the unavoidably awkward dynamics of a new romance comes unfamiliarity with the other person’s culture that often manifests itself as pure ignorance. And while some gaffes can be overlooked and corrected with education, others are too painful to ignore or get past.

Black women talked to Vice about all of the above in a piece by Janae Price who shared, “While dating men of different races, I’ve found myself in some frustrating, awkward, unfortunate, and uncomfortable situations. From being pet like a dog (‘black people’s hair feels so cool and different!’), to dealing with basic questions of physiology (‘Are your insides pink or brown?’), I’ve been on some ridiculous dates. ”

Knowing she’s not alone, Price compiled “cringe-worthy stories” from Black and brown women who’ve dated men outside their race which she said serves as a “sad reminder that even though celebrities like Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs might make it look easy, this sh-t is still hard as hell.”

Here are a few of those tales.

•I dated a Vietnamese man who used to tell me my nipples looked like Hershey’s Kisses. And that wasn’t the worst part. His parents hated me—they didn’t like the fact that I was not Asian. Every time I would visit, they would smile and wave, and right in front of my face talk shit in Vietnamese about how I wasn’t good enough for their son because I’m black, which he’d later translate for me. Eventually, I decided to break up with him, but every time I tried to he’d tell me not to take what his parents said to heart because they were old and traditional. But that always made me question how he felt: Just because you have accepted their behavior, does that mean some part of you feels that way too? – Lauren, 29

•I dated this mixed girl who was raised by her white mother and the white side of her family. She had curly hair. One time I too described my hair as “curly,” and she corrected me. “You mean your nigga naps,” she said. I asked if she even knew what a “nap” was, and she quickly replied “black people hair.” I asked her how she’d describe her own locks, and she said “good hair.” I nearly lost it. – Alexis, 23

•I once dated a guy who was half Dominican and half Puerto Rican. Things were going well, so he suggested I meet both his parents. His mother was pleasant and welcoming. She was interested in my family and the fact that they weren’t originally from the US. She wanted to know things about Guyanese marriage and wedding traditions, dating customs, and mused about what it would be like to have mixed children. When his Dominican father came home, he didn’t say much. He asked what I wanted to do when I got older but barely said two words during dinner. The room became very tense, and I noticed my boyfriend get a little uneasy. His father broke the silence: “I know you think you’re dating my son, but this is going to stop now… my son does not, and simply cannot, date a ‘Negra.'” My boyfriend was in complete shock; he didn’t say a word. His mother began cursing at his father and began to frantically apologize to me. I didn’t know what to do. So I grabbed my bag, thanked her for the meal, told my boyfriend we were done, and walked out. On the walk home, I called my brother and cried. – Nandee, 23

•I had been talking with this guy for a little bit, but decided to call it off after a bout of sexy texting ending with him sending me a diagram of a girl tied up in some kinky bondage harness. Caught off guard, I asked what it was supposed to mean. He texted back, “I’ve always wanted to try this on a black girl, I think it would be so hot.” Needless to say, his number was deleted with quickness. – Kim, 23

The post “Are Your Insides Pink Or Brown?” Black Women Share Interracial Dating Horror Stories appeared first on MadameNoire.

Image via WENN I don't even know where to begin with this story, other than to suggest that if you're eating and don't have a strong stomach, you may want to come back to this one later. For years, we've been talking about R Kelly's dysfunction. His predatory and most likely illegal dating and sexual habits, his definitely illegal marriage, his pedophila. We wrote about the Village Voice piece in where R Kelly's decades-long history of abuse was unearthed for the world to see. It was also the place where Jim DeRogatis said poignantly, "Nobody Matters Less To Our Society Than Young Black Women." Last year, we outlined the highlights from the GQ piece where Kelly spoke about his own sexual abuse as a child but defended Bill Cosby against mounting allegations. We've spoken publicly about his sickness on episodes of "Did Y'all See?" much to the chagrin of some of our viewers. Still, as much research as I've done on R Kelly, nothing could have prepared me for what I read in the BuzzFeed article that is currently searing the discussion on the internet. In a phrase, it's about parents who are trying everything in their power to get their children, their daughters, released from what they describe as R Kelly's abusive cult. It's written by Jim DeRogatis, the Chicago reporter who has been following the R Kelly and his dysfunction for decades now and famously wrote the piece in The Village Voice I mentioned earlier. It starts the perspective of parents, because as you'll soon see, they're the only ones who can speak rationally for and about their children these days. "Backstage at the Fantasy Springs Resort Casino in Indio, California, on May 23, 2015, J. was thrilled that her 19-year-old daughter’s music career was going to make a major leap forward from recording demos and performing at talent shows to the chance of stardom — thanks to the help of an R&B superstar. “When we got to go backstage with R. Kelly, we stayed there over two hours,” said J. “One-on-one with just me and my daughter and him. We went back to talk about the music. He listened to her CD. He was going to help her with her CD, and I was really impressed with him at first, because I have always been an R. Kelly fan.” J. admitted that she'd heard about the sexual allegations that had followed R. Kelly's name for years. But she was confident in the type of mother she is, one who is fiercely protective and devoted to helping her child achieve her dream. Both she and her husband of 22 years moved from Memphis to Atlanta to give her daughter a better chance in the music industry. She was sure she would be able to protect her. “In the back of our minds, we were thinking [my daughter] could be around him if I was with her,” J. said. “It didn’t really hit home. Even with the Aaliyah situation, now that I think about it, ‘Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number’ ... but you don’t think about that. You grew up with the song, and you like the song.” Now, J. and Tim are desperately trying to get their daughter to come back home. Since 2015, J. has quit her job and become an amateur detective, sharing her findings with the police and FBI, in an attempt to save her daughter. Despite all of this, nothing has changed because technically, J's daughter is not the victim or a kidnapping. She's not being held against her will. Instead, she lives with R Kelly willingly. [caption id="attachment_836368" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] WENN[/caption] Image via WENN Not only are the parents of this particular girl speaking out, three people who used to work closely with R Kelly, in his "inner circle" cosigned J's claims. Cheryl Mack, Kitti Jones, and Asante McGee told DeRogatis that R Kelly has six women living on his properties in Chicago and Atlanta. And he controls every aspect of their lives, inlcuding what they eat, how they dress, when they bathe, when they sleep and how they engage in sexual encounters, which he records. When J. saw to her daughter last, on December 1, 2016, she said she was not like herself. “It was as if she was brainwashed. [She] looked like a prisoner — it was horrible,” she said. “I hugged her and hugged her. But she just kept saying she’s in love and [Kelly] is the one who cares for her. I don’t know what to do. I hope that if I get her back, I can get her treatment for victims of cults. They can reprogram her. But I wish I could have stopped it from happening.” Since that day in December, J. and her husband have only received two text messages from their child. One on Christmas: “I hate Christmas has to be this way this year.”and another for Mother's Day: “Happy Mother’s Day from me and Rob.” Cheryl Mack, who worked as R Kelly's personal assistant for a year and a half in 2013 said the women believe that living with R Kelly will come with all types of perks and benefits. “This is R. Kelly, I’m going to live a lavish lifestyle. No. You have to ask for food. You have to ask to go use the bathroom. … [Kelly] is a master at mind control. ... He is a puppet master.” The other women, Jones and McGee said that during their time working for R Kelly, they also maintained a sexual relationship with him over the past five years before leaving. They too said that R Kelly controlled their phones, use of social media and during their time living with him, they were not allowed to take pictures with him or photos of the rooms in which they were living. The women who are living there now, have to follow similar rules. They outlined the women in his residences.

- A 31-year-old “den mother” who “trained” newcomers on how Kelly liked to be pleasured sexually. She had been best friends since high school with the girl in the videotape for which Kelly was tried in 2008. She recently parted ways with Kelly, these sources say. - A 25-year-old woman who also has been part of Kelly’s scene for seven years. - A recent arrival, a 19-year-old model who has been photographed in public with Kelly and named on music gossip websites — a rarity among the women in his circle. - An Atlanta songwriter who began her relationship with Kelly around 2009, when she was 19. (She is now 26.) - And an 18-year-old singer from Polk County, Florida. Mack said the Florida singer is Kelly’s “favorite — his number-one girl.”

Technically all of the women living in Kelly's houses are past the age of consent, it's 17 years old in Illinois and 16 in Georgia. The former employees say that Kelly calls these women his "babies" and they are required to call him "Daddy." They must ask permission to leave the recording studio to return to their assigned room in the guest house. The videos he records of their sexual encounters, he shares with his male friends. The women are also made to dress in jogging suits so their figures will not be exposed when they're around other men. Mack, the personal assistant, recalls R Kelly making the girls, in jogging suits, turn around and face the corner while other men were present because he didn't want the other men to look at them. There are rules, living with R Kelly. And if you violate any of them, there is verbal or physical punishment. Jones, who was once sexually involved with Kelly, remembers a time in 2013 when he held her against a tree and slapped her because she was too friendly with a male cashier in Subway. McGee said she never saw Kelly hit anyone but did acknowledge that he was running a cult and that he manipulated her sexually and emotionally. She said, “R. Kelly is the sweetest person you will ever want to meet,” McGee said. “But Robert is the devil.” Jones said she's come forward now with the hope that she can prevent someone else from making the same mistakes she once made. "I got trapped. I had people telling me I was an idiot. But it took me a long time to realize they were right, and I'm talking now because I hope I can help some of these other girls." J., the mother of the child she hasn't seen since last December described how R Kelly lured her daughter away from her. “As far as I know, we weren’t talking to [Kelly] anymore,” J. said. “Or at least I wasn’t talking to him anymore.” But in June of 2015, their daughter lied to them about taking a trip to visit a college campus. Instead, Mack arranged for her to fly to Oklahoma City where Kelly was performing in a show. After that show, J's daughter told her parents and two other friends that this was the first time she had sex with Kelly. After months, J's daughter got frustrated with Kelly, noticing that every time she tried to discuss her music career, he'd redirect the conversation to something sexual. In a recorded conversation, later given to BuzzFeed, you can hear J's daughter ask about a particular song. But R Kelly redirects. "I miss my baby." Then he asks her what she's wearing. After she responded he gives her instruction, "I want you to get in the habit of telling me what color panties you got on everyday." J.'s daughter enrolled in college, living in the dorms. At first, her roommate, who is only identified by her initials T.S., says that at first she didn't believe her friend knew R Kelly. But eventually, she started playing their sexually explicit conversations out on speaker phone. T.S. says that one time her friend told her that once R Kelly sent a cab to pick her and a group of women up and take them to the club. During the ride over, the cab driver told a joke and J's daughter laughed. One of the other women texted R Kelly about the violation of his rules and when they arrived at the club, T.S. said, Kelly “bent her over and he whupped her behind because she laughed at the cab driver, who happened to be a man.” By the middle of the semester, J's daughter lost weight, colored her hair and cut it short because that was the way R Kelly said he liked it. By December J's daughter was skipping classes, did not show up for finals and when her parents called her counselors, they confirmed that she was no longer in good standing at the school. Long before then though, she had already been ignoring calls from her parents, forwarding all of J's calls to voicemail. They began calling the phone gave their daughter after she violated one of Kelly's rules to text them that she was ok. Later, they said that Kelly himself came to the phone to confirm that everything was ok. J and Tim tried to file a missing persons report with the campus police but once they revealed that they knew she was with Kelly, the case was dropped because their daughter wasn't actually missing. They knew where she was and as an adult there was nothing they could do about it. Later in December 2016, they had police in R Kelly's area do a well-being check on their daughter. But when they arrived at R Kelly's guest house, the place had been cleared and no one was there. When police in Chicago did the same thing, their daughter told police that she was "fine and did not want to be bothered with her parents because her father was threatening people." J's daughter keeps in touch with her grandmother, who she calls Nana. She reiterated that she was in a consensual relationship with Kelly and she was upset with her parents for intervening. She told her grandmother that she believed they were trying to ruin Kelly's career. But in spite of her granddaughter's claims, Nana said if she had the chance to talk to R Kelly, she'd say, “I would tell R. Kelly to send my granddaughter home. He knows it’s not right and he would not want anybody doing this to his daughter.” Tim and J have been in contact with the FBI. While the bureau can't confirm or deny an investigation into any one person, the parents are hopeful they will be able to intervene. Tim said, “It’s not about my daughter, per se. It’s about all the girls,” Tim said. “It’s about my daughter, and I understand that. But the abuse that my daughter is actually enduring, nobody should go through.” Image via WENN In addition to J and Tim, there is another parent, who is going by the name Theresa, says that she allowed her daughter to spend time around R Kelly because she believed it could lead to a music career. She says it's a decision she now regrets. “My thing was I trusted. I have never been in the music industry before, ever,” Theresa said. “He is a lyrical genius — he is R. Kelly! And the fact is he went to court, he was never found guilty — he was acquitted — and we were led to believe there was no truth in it. Now I got all of these people asking about why my daughter is there, telling me, ‘All of that, the charges against Kelly, was true.’ Well, how come you didn’t tell me that before?” She said her daughter was plucked out of the crowd during his Funk Fest show in Orlando. Afterward, a member of his entourage gave her his number. At first her outreach went unrecognized. But eventually her texted her back. Like J's daughter, Theresa's daughter built her relationship with R Kelly over text and the phone, conversations her parents didn't know about. Things came to the light when they received a text from their daughter saying that she met up with R Kelly at his hotel room. They rushed over to the hotel and while their daughter did eventually come down, R Kelly refused to speak to them. Afterward, the girl was only supposed to speak to him when one of her parents was around. “We needed to make sure it was about music, because he was going to mentor her,” she said. “And then from there he wanted her to travel with him so she could see how the music game really was. ... We thought it could be an opportunity, and that she was going to be with a guardian — a female guardian that would keep an eye on her.” It wasn't long before she was living with R Kelly. They would get text messages occasionally saying that she was alright. They are no longer receiving those. McGee said that Kelly is obsessed with this young lady and she is "head over heels" for him. McGee said watching their dynamic, she realized something was not right. “I have a 17-year-old daughter myself,” she said. “When I saw [the Florida singer] with him, it took me back. This could be my daughter. I just knew that it was not right and I just couldn’t understand what a man almost 50 is doing having sex with someone the same age as his daughter. That’s when I realized it was more of a mind-control thing.” The young, Florida woman also found herself being punished after she violated one of R Kelly's rules. “He left [the Florida woman] on the [tour] bus for, like, three days and she was not allowed to come out,” McGee said. “He said she didn’t do her homework — that’s why she was punished — which was very confusing, because she had just graduated [high school] over the summer.” Theresa said that she fears even her daughter's relationship with Kelly ends, she won't get her daughter back. “I desperately want my daughter back but I’m not [sure] what will [be] the repercussions if she doesn’t come willingly,” Theresa said. “These girls think this man loves them. Matters of the heart are a touchy subject.” DeRogatis mentions that Theresa's daughters' story sounds similar to another young girl, an aspiring singer, who began a sexual relationship with R Kelly. She met him when he came to lecture her choir class. She started having sex with him in 1991, when she was 15 and he was 24. The relationship ended three years later. Afterward, the young lady attempted to take her life by slitting her wrists. Theresa's daughter's older sister has visited Kelly's studio in Chicago in an attempt to rescue her sister. She left the scene being pushed and shoved by security and even being hit in the face. She's pressed charges but no one has been arrested. The investigation had been suspended. After the Theresa's daughter had been contacted and asked to comment on this story, she called her father and invited him to a concert in Indiana. Skeptical of Kelly's motivations, he declined the invitation. During that phone call he also learned that Kelly recently paid for her to have breast enhancement surgery. “I am beyond furious,” Angelo said. “I said to her, ‘How could you do this? What the hell were you thinking? What if you died on the operating table?’ I don’t even know what we can do anymore. I just know we got to get her home." Eventually, Linda Mensch, a civil lawyer in Chicago who represents Kelly, responded to DeRogatis with this written statement.

“We can only wonder why folks would persist in defaming a great artist who loves his fans, works 24/7, and takes care of all of the people in his life. He works hard to become the best person and artist he can be. It is interesting that stories and tales debunked many years ago turn up when his goal is to stop the violence; put down the guns; and embrace peace and love. I suppose that is the price of fame. Like all of us, Mr. Kelly deserves a personal life. Please respect that.”

 

Legendary. #RKelly #JunesDiary

A post shared by June's Diary (@junesdiary) on Oct 25, 2016 at 3:35pm PDT

It would be easy to read this story and blame it on "money-hungry" "fame-driven" parents. But they're just a symptom of a much larger problem. For those who aren't entrenched in media, who aren't taking the time to dig and read. For those of us who prefer to separate the artist from his personal life, who will still attend a concert or buy a song or CD, there is a reason why these parents viewed R Kelly as a mentor instead of a monster. The man is touring the country, selling out shows. He performs on networks that cater to women (Centric). He receives the cosign of some of our favorite fellow singers...women. (Erykah Badu.) Groups made up of young women (June's Diary) travel on tour with him. As a parent, not entirely well versed on the legal issues, the personal lives of these stars, you try to do anything to get your child to achieve their dream. We, Black folk particularly, defend him and his talent because he's made music we can step to because he's Black and a man, a Black man who's made it. And if Black men protect and defend their own, Black women go even harder. These parents aren't the main problem here. Society's inability to believe women, even with video evidence, is the problem. Society's, the Black community and even Black women's own lack of care and concern for ourselves and our interests caused this. Read the full story over at BuzzFeed.

The post Parents Claim R. Kelly Has Their Daughters Trapped In An Abusive Cult appeared first on MadameNoire.

Source: Getty Images

You asked and we have finally delivered! Ask a Black Woman is premiering on MadameNoire in September and we’re holding casting calls in New York City next week for panelists.

Ask a Black Woman is a spin-off of our popular, long-running series Ask a Black Man. For years we’ve been asking men what they’re looking for in a woman, but women never get a chance to share their thoughts on what they want in a relationship. This show will focus on love and relationships from the woman’s perspective.

Are you a Black woman who has something unique to say about Black men, love, relationships, marriage and/or dating?

The post Calling All Black Women In NYC: Ask A Black Woman Is Coming! appeared first on MadameNoire.

It’s a boy for funny man and Get Out writer/producer Jordan Peele. The 38-year-old and wife, Brooklyn Nine-Nine star Chelsea Peretti, welcomed their son on July 1. It’s the first child for both stars and his name is Beaumont Gino Peele.

Peretti announced they were expecting in her usual funny fashion, putting up a post four days after Beyoncé shared her headline-making pregnancy news, and with the caption, “beyonce schmonce”:

The couple had a baby shower in June that included such colorful hats as this one:

Peele and Peretti started dating in 2013 and became engaged in 2015. Peretti shared with her followers that year that Peele proposed to her while the couple took part in her family’s “talent show.” They tied the knot in 2016 after eloping on the low. Despite the fact that the couple starred in a few Booking.com commercials about destination weddings, they ditched all that for something low-key. The sole witness at their wedding was their adorable dog:

The new addition is yet another success for Peele in 2017, as he also celebrated his directorial debut, Get Out, being a massive hit this year. It became the highest-grossing feature film debut for a writer/director of an original screenplay, knocking The Blair Witch Project out of that spot. He was also crowned the first Black writer and director to have a debut film gross more than $100 million. May the winning streak continue.

The post Jordan Peele And Wife Welcome Son Beaumont Gino appeared first on MadameNoire.

This gamer didn't see herself in The Sims. So she created content to fill the void. pic.twitter.com/kLWIbzXj8n

— AJ+ (@ajplus) July 15, 2017

Leave it up to a Black woman to fulfill a void. If you've ever played The Sims, the video game that allows you to build houses, decorate them, and then build people, dress them, and craft their personalities and orchestrate their daily lives. Basically, it was a way to play God. And since quite a few of us have a god complex anyway, it was a source of great entertainment. But if you've ever gone about the task of creating a Sim, you probably realized that the options for Black folk were limited. And by limited I mean there was one Black skin tone, one or two hairstyles that were Black. And one of them was a high top fade...before that was back in fashion. In a word it was outdated. Thankfully, Amira Virgil not only noticed the problem, she had the skills and expertise to do something about it and thus the forum Black Simmer, was born. See what she did in the video above. Check out what she's been able to do with the game using Black Simmer on the following pages.

you get the point. #TheSims4 #BlackSimmer #Youtuber #TS4CC

A post shared by @keey.uh on May 18, 2017 at 12:00pm PDT

See you guys later ♥️ . . . P.s - while I'm on my hiatus just imagine that these two went on a vacation. #lastpostfornow . . . #sims4#sims4story#sims4cc#sims4legacy#blacksimmer#urbansims#simstagram

A post shared by Brandon Cole (@93estcole) on Jul 16, 2017 at 5:52pm PDT

Sim Chyna #simsmobile #simsfreeplay #thesimsfreeplay #simsaddict #simsaddicted #simstagrammer #simsobsessed #blacchyna #simsofinstagram #thesims #thesimshousedesign #simshousedesign #simstagram #simsfamily #simlife #blacksims #blacksimmer #simslife #gamergirl #homedesign #interiordecor #interiordesign #thesimsfreeplayea #simsinstagram #like4like #likesforlikes #likes4likes #likesreturned #picoftheday

A post shared by Bedddrock (@bedddrock) on Jul 16, 2017 at 8:55pm PDT

@jackieaina #ts4 #ts4cityliving #thesims4 #thesims #simmer #blacksimmer #simblr #urbansims4 #urbansims #blackgirlmagic #makeupguru #youtubeguru #makeup #darkskin #sims4 #jackieaina

A post shared by @coffeeinthemorningz on Jul 16, 2017 at 10:27pm PDT

Took over our mother's simsta we'll just leave this here. - - - #threeisbetterthanone #sims4 #thesims #urbansims #blacksimstagram #blacksimmer #sims4roleplay #simsstory

A post shared by Marley Heart-Brown (@marleyxheart) on Jul 16, 2017 at 9:26pm PDT

other sims i've been playing around with • #sims4cc #sims4 #sims #simmer #simstagram #thesims #thesims4 #sims4game #simsmodel #sanmyshuno #simsmoving #blacksim #blacksimmer

A post shared by •♥︎melany♥︎• (@vanitysims) on Jul 16, 2017 at 11:00am PDT

Won't accept failure, won't tolerate mediocrity ~ #sims4 #ts4 #sims4story #sims4roleplay #SalemAkiyama #Newcrest #SanMyshuno #urbansims #blacksimmer

A post shared by Salem (@bringon_the_witchhunt) on Jul 16, 2017 at 12:01am PDT

We have chosen a cradle for baby shrimp • • • •#shiralife #sanmyshuno #sims4 #sims4stories #simstagram #sims4 #sims #badromance #thesims4 #lesSims4 #simslife #blacksimmer #simpregnant #sanmyshuno #pregnantsim #pregnantsims4 #simming #simadict #simblr #willowcreek #oasissprings

A post shared by Shira (@xoshiramansonxo) on Jul 15, 2017 at 4:28pm PDT

This how extra I'm about to be w/ the Sims when I get a new laptop " class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /> #Watch #Extra #Sims #TheSims4 #Simmer #BlackSimmer #UrbanSimmer #Mods #Cc #Addiction

A post shared by ❂THE SUNFLOWER❂ (@_.tequilaa._) on Jul 14, 2017 at 7:52am PDT

Made it to California it was a long ride & I'm jet lagged, but then I saw this little munchkin and forgot how tired I was ❤️ My little niece, Aiyanna. #blacksimmer #urbansims #simstagram

A post shared by S A R A I (@rairaibanks) on Jul 13, 2017 at 6:03pm PDT

Zora and I had a great day at the park the other day! I love being a mom❤❤❤ ~ #Sims4 #ts4 #sims4story #sims4roleplay #SalemAkiyama #ZoraAkiyama #Newcrest #SanMyshuno #urbansims #blacksimmer

A post shared by Salem (@bringon_the_witchhunt) on Jul 13, 2017 at 1:41pm PDT

How Ceas & I roll up to a function ❤️ We shut it all the way down " class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /> #urbansims #simstagram #blacksimmer

A post shared by S A R A I (@rairaibanks) on Jul 12, 2017 at 3:52pm PDT

i'm on vacation sorry i haven't posted i've just been playing around, here's a random family i made. • #sims4cc #sims4 #sims #simmer #simstagram #thesims #thesims4 #sims4game #simsmodel #sanmyshuno #simsmoving #blacksim #blacksimmer

A post shared by •♥︎melany♥︎• (@vanitysims) on Jul 12, 2017 at 10:58am PDT

. Eclipse _ I feel myself getting angrier as I leave the house. My blood boils over a little more as the conversation replays in my head. A mother that didn't want me. She has no idea what my mother wanted. She doesn't know why I was given up, or if I was given up at all. I could've been kidnapped for all she knows. • Regardless of the circumstance, she has no right to throw it in my face. Yes, I did look for her everyday, but what child wouldn't? That's my mom, my real mom, and I know that any biological sibling I have wouldn't talk to me like that! Especially over Mehki's no good ass! • No. I can't be thinking like this. I need to calm down. I don't want to hurt myself again. I want to thrive and be healthy. I want to grow and gain. I don't want to lose out on something special because of a dumb girl, even if that girl is my sister. As a matter of fact, I should go home. I need to go home. . . . . . . . " class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />#Sims #Sims4 #Ts4 #Simmer #BlackSimmer #BlackSims #UrbanSims #Simstagram #SimStories #SimsLegacy" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />

A post shared by Batiste|Adisa legacy (@muva.sims) on Jul 12, 2017 at 10:48am PDT

The post Not Enough Options For Black Sim Characters? A Black Woman Fixed That appeared first on MadameNoire.

I don’t think there was anyone who didn’t believe that Cynthia Bailey was and always will be stunning.

When the Real Housewives of Atlanta star turned 50 in February, she celebrated by stripping down to her birthday suit — aka, nothing.

But that didn’t mean she was done showing off and out. Bailey just posted a picture of herself in bikini bottoms and a camouflage top showing off her figure and legs for days, reminding everyone that yes, she’s 50, but also quite fabulous:

Bailey is embracing 50 and looking great as she goes back out into the dating world. Bailey said she and Peter Thomas officially finalized their divorce earlier this year. The beauty, who stays in shape with the help of yoga (and good genes), has been dating but told Andy Cohen a few months back she’s seeing “no one in particular.” Bailey said she’s open to the idea of taking her quest for love online, though.

“Everything has changed!” she told ET. “I have heard a lot of success stories with, you know, the Match.coms. Someone just told me about some kind of celebrity app that’s going on now. So, I may or may not be getting on that. You know, I’m very busy, so I don’t really meet people unless I’m hooked up [by] my friends. I’m dependent on my friends.”

Wherever she finds her match, Bailey is ready for a new love.

“I’m looking forward to love,” Bailey said. “I’m looking forward to finding a new love. Not marriage — but at this point, I am looking for love.”

The post Cynthia Bailey Goes Pantless, Reminds Everyone She’s 50 And Fabulous appeared first on MadameNoire.

Image via WENN

Normally when we’ve mentioned Azealia Banks’ name, it’s usually attached to some wildly inappropriate or offensive comment she’s made. In all fairness, she did raise some excellent points during her interview with Ebro on Hot 97.

But after that there was her support of Trump, her anti-Arabic, anti-gay, anti-Black men sentiments. Also, the incidents of violence. She’s rubbed people the wrong way. But, as Charing Ball once argued, in the context of the offensive things male creatives have said and done, she’s far from the worst.

The only difference is she’s a Black woman. And when there is little love for meek and well-behaved Black women, there certainly isn’t any for an outspoken, in your face Harlemite who has made more than her fair share of mistakes.

In a recent interview with XXL,  Banks addressed her comments, took responsibility for them and explained why she’s been frustrated and disenchanted with the music industry but why she’s determined to keep pushing. Check out a few of the highlights below.

XXL: Do you have people within the spheres of the music industry you used to be in who still support you, or do you feel like you’re kind of shut out from where you were now?

I’m definitely shut out from where I was, 100 percent. People are very scared to be associated with me because of, you know, the controversy, I guess the skin bleaching or the “sand nigger” or the “faggot” thing. I’m not sad about it, I’m not disappointed at the situation. I’m disappointed with myself for sure. I’m a little disappointed in them, but not really.

I guess the source of my disappointment comes from just watching lots of other men in hip-hop, just like male rappers, have their career setbacks and go through things. Or even when a Black male rapper misspeaks something… just seeing Black men go through the motions, seeing the Black mass just kind of seemingly accepting it as just an attribute of their artistry. So they’ll be like, “Kanye West is saying all that because he’s crazy” or “Okay, yeah, R. Kelly raped a girl but damn, he makes some good music.” I don’t feel like I ever got that kind of empathy. I never got those kinds of privileges, I never got those kinds of allowances, especially coming in the rap game without any real rap friends. I basically came in the building by myself. There was nobody to validate me, there was nobody to vouch for me or whatever, and I got mishandled a lot.

It made me really bitter for a very long time, very, very, very bitter, so bitter to the point that I would just kind of say things that I didn’t mean, like, “I hate Black men” and shit like that. I would just say things like that because I would just feel so misunderstood. It was all purposeful, like when T.I. was threatening me with physical violence or when Jim Jones was threatening me with physical violence. Come on, hip-hop should have said something about it, and nobody said anything about it.

Even now, you guys have this guy XXXTentacion on the [XXL] Freshman cover, but he’s tweeted about how he thinks Black women are roaches and that we should die and how dark people are roaches and we should die and sh*t like that. It’s discouraging, and I’m not afraid to cry about it or afraid to admit that it hurts me now, rather than just going about things the wrong way and trying to fight fire with fire.

…

On marketing 

Hip-hop often feeds into the gimmicks its given by marketing people or label people.
It turns into a huge fucking problem, because you see the culture and you see these great artists kind of die very early artistic deaths because they’re getting into the business of being the best impression of themselves. And that’s what’s happened to Kanye West, that’s what’s happened to JAY-Z, that’s what’s happened to a lot of rappers. That’s what’s happened to Nicki Minaj. Drake is doing his best impression of himself time and time again.

I love Eminem. Eminem gets it. When he doesn’t have anything to say, he doesn’t say anything at all. He doesn’t cloud the hip-hop music hemisphere, he doesn’t use his socioeconomic methods to cloud this sphere with himself just because he wants to kill whatever up next, popping thing is happening. You see Kanye do it all the time. He uses his socioeconomic leverage to latch on to some other young act when it’s like… you know, it doesn’t help culture go, because what you have is these same 10 faces at the front of every cultural movement. It’s not healthy.

XXL: There was a lot of controversy around your skin-bleaching.

Well, I actually do have one skin lightening soap. It’s called Miss Amor, but that’s not the whole point of the Miss Amor movie, it’s a completely different thing. Skin lightening products can be used however you want to use them, you know? If you decide you want to take this skin-lightening bar and rub it all over your whole body then fine. Most people… it’s a treatment for things that are related to the detention of dead skin cells.

So some people who are overweight may have a black ring around their neck, and they’ll put the soap on their neck and the skin will come off, and then they won’t use it anymore. Or someone will maybe have bacne, black elbows or black underarms, and they’ll put it on their underarms and it will sloth off all the dead skin cells. Again, if somebody wants to take the soap and rub it all over their fuckin’ body, then that’s their prerogative. But the soaps are meant to be used as treatment, so you can use Miss Amor in your inner thighs. Some women have darkness in the inner thighs. Especially a lot of gay men, they feel really self-conscious about their genital area, like the butt, under the butt. In between the thighs they’ll have darkening from tight jeans rubbing, so they’ll wanna rub it in there and smooth the situation out.

For me, it’s not about changing the skin tone, it’s more about having uniformed skin. And when you saw me going through all the colors and the different skin tones, that was me testing the market myself. You need to test everything in the market, especially if you’re going to be doing this to kinda understand what the user experience is going to be like. I too have a little bit of a problem with acne flare-up due to a birth control I took, and my whole face just burst out. My face, my back, and I was just so desperate to get this shit off my face. So I started trying things. There were some things that made it worse, some things that made it better. But eventually, I just picked up an interest for it because I have my own problems to fix. And I started mixing things and making soaps, then I came up with these little formulas and I send them to a factory to have them made. A lot of people who are like, “Oh, you make your soap?” They think I’m putting fucking sugar and salt in my bathtub. I’m not… well, I did at first, but I didn’t sell any of my soap, I just had it made by a factory.
I have products for men. Especially a lot of Black men who have ingrown hairs on their chins or the back of their necks. I have peels for that. People have corns, bunions, stretch marks. Just anything that relates to the retention of dead skin cells, Cheapy XO has something for that. Next phase will be eczema and psoriasis.

XXL: What are some of the obstacles you find yourself facing in the music industry today?

Just the media itself ’cause clearly, everything is owned by White people—I’m tired of talking about White people. These media conglomerates have this socioeconomic leverage, and they can orchestrate any industry, and any story or any happening the way they want to. The music industry isn’t the only one that’s subjected to it. Hollywood is subjected to it, tech world, everybody. It’s just the media in general. I feel like it’s everyone’s biggest problem.

Even for people who are succeeding at playing the media game. They’re always crying about how they feel stifled and all that other shit. I think in the coming years, [the media] is gonna prove to be very detrimental to society’s social and psychological health.

I think the media does a lot to chastise people into… or just micro-manage people’s aggressions and chastise people into forming opinions. Especially in America, where the media is such a big part of our culture. Because we really drag ourselves down into Prozac nation on fucking steroids. But nobody cares, I’m just the Black bitch from fucking Harlem [laughs]. I’m just a Black b*tch from Harlem who only puts out one song a year. I’m joking.

You can read the rest of Azealia’s interview over at XXL. 

The post Azealia Banks Says Black Men In Music Get Far More Chances Than She Ever Did As A Black Woman appeared first on MadameNoire.

Credit: Getty

All day people have been digesting the latest accusation of sexual misconduct against R. Kelly in which the singer is alleged to be operating a cult — or what some have even deemed a human trafficking ring — involve young, barely legal girls.

In the report from Buzzfeed, multiple parents shared stories of how their daughters were lured into an environment of physical and sexual abuse, never to be seen — and barely heard from — again since falling under Kelly’s seductively controlling spell. And the accusations, though shocking, weren’t particularly surprising, given the R&B star’s past of lengthy transgressions involving young girls. It’s for that reason, the discussions surrounding the revelations haven’t been about whether R. Kelly is guilty of what he’s being accused of, but who’s to blame for the perpetuation of his abuse and the lack of care for Black girls.

Nevertheless, R. Kelly is still attempting to clear his name, and a rep for the singer implies he will seek out those heralding these accusations at him to do so. In a statement obtained by TMZ, the unidentified rep said:

“Mr. Robert Kelly is both alarmed and disturbed by the recent revelations attributed to him. Mr. Kelly unequivocally denies such accusations and will work diligently and forcibly to pursue his accusers and clear his name.”

The parents who spoke out about their quests to bring their daughters home over the past year did so using fake names for fear of retaliation which this statement proves is not a baseless concern. Here’s hoping, though, that R. Kelly is the one diligently and forcibly pursued by authorities once and for all and his victims no longer silenced.

The post Rep: R. Kelly Is Innocent Of Latest Allegations And Will Work “Forcibly To Pursue His Accusers” appeared first on MadameNoire.

While surfing online over the weekend, I ran across a few photos of a certain public figure in a swimsuit, showing off her curves, looking and feeling beautiful. Many of the people who commented on the images complimented her on her look and said she was body and fitness inspiration. But there were also people who called out her obvious use of photo editing and accused her of having surgery that she hadn’t been forthcoming about based on pictures from a few years back. What was one person’s “goals” was another person’s fraud.

I was reminded of these pictures today when I ran across a post on an Instagram page I follow called Afrogirlfitness. They shared video of Blac Chyna working out, which she’d shared on her own social media, but made sure to disable comments for. Of course, Chyna, who spoke about her post-baby weight loss and fitness goals after having Dream Kardashian, was put on blast by former fiancé Rob Kardashian during his infamous online rant recently. He shared video of her on her way to get cosmetic surgery, which he claimed he paid for, accusing her of being a fake and phony. By sharing her workout video, it seems she wanted to prove that while she’d received some help to get her famous figure, it was her own hard work that had held it together then and now:

When Afrogirlfitness shared the video with a message about about cosmetic surgery not being a replacement for exercise, their followers had a mixed reaction to Chyna. Some said that she didn’t deserve a space on a page centered around celebrating women who get fit and fabulous through hard work and making life changes.

“Surgery is definitely a personal decision, and I’m all here for physical improvement that gives people more confidence,” one said. “But pleaseeeeeee don’t try to tell me she’s ‘fitness goals’ or her body is equal to the next woman who did hers without it.”

“Really? Ok girl. Ima keep doing Body Sculpt classes, Pure barre, running, walking, and eating healthy,” another wrote. “As I work my way towards longevity and living out my days not having to maintain some body enhancements.”

While I could understand the frustration of some, I had to be honest with myself: If I had money and something I wanted to upgrade about myself, I can’t say 100 percent that I wouldn’t have surgery. As a woman with breasts that aren’t as perky as I would like, a little lift never hurt anybody. But even if I did change something about myself, I would still understand the importance of working out. One can nip and tuck all they want, but if you’re inactive and eat bad, you’re wasting your money and your body. Surgeries can’t build and sustain muscle, folks, so I’ll give Chyna that.

But the real issue that bothers most is the fact that it’s the individuals who want to sell us flat tummy teas and pipe dreams about their bodies who like to keep it a secret that they’ve had work done, and yet, want to give advice on how to get and stay in shape. If they were honest about it, I think they would receive a lot more credit and a lot less kickback. Would they serve as your fitness inspiration? Maybe not. But at least you could respect where they were coming from, respect the work ethic they do have in the gym, and it wouldn’t take away from the fact that they look great — surgery or not.

However, claiming you gained your body the old-fashioned way when that’s definitely not the case is not only coming for the pockets of fans who believe a drink or a waist trainer will be the game changer they can afford to try, but it also creates unhealthy standards for other women. These are standards encouraging many to still sit in basements getting dangerous butt injections. And while it’s no surprise that these women are getting work done, the influx of images of these individuals can still send the wrong message. And it’s especially sad when there are people who put in the work and effort, who started out high on the scale like many of us trying to make a change and could be the encouragement we all really need, but don’t receive or have access to platforms to share their message.

The post Can You Be “Fitness Goals” After A Fat Transfer? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Yesterday, the internet erupted with the news of R Kelly’s alleged cult, housing women in their late teens to early twenties, enforcing rules, controlling who they speak to, when and where they can travel, what they wear, how they interact with men, etc.

Throughout the story, the parents kept reiterating that their daughters appeared to be brainwashed, that while they had moved in with Kelly willingly, they were being manipulated.

And after the story dropped and a rep for Kelly denied the allegations, one of the young women profiled in the piece, Jocelyn Savage, spoke to TMZ, denying the claims.

“I’m 21. I’m about to be 22, in about five days. And I just mainly want to say that I am in a happy place with my life. And I’m not being brainwashed or anything like that. It just came to a point where it definitely has gotten out of hand. I just want everybody to know–my parents and everybody in the world– I am totally fine. I’m happy where I’m at and every thing is ok with me.

You are not being held against your will or doing anything that you do not want to do?

Oh no, not at all. Never feeling hostage or anything like that, of that nature. Never.

Why do you think your family is coming forward and asking for a well being check?

I personally–I don’t really know what’s going on with that so I wouldn’t want to answer that of this moment…

The last time I spoke to my parents, may have been about a good, on and off, six-five months. I haven’t really spoken to them because of everything they’ve been causing, problems in my life about saying I’ve been hostage and being held against my will and stuff like that. I’m very heartbroken with what’s going on in this situation. It’s getting to a point where it’s getting too much out of hand. Me having to deal with this and me being 22, it’s just not right. I haven’t spoken to them in about five-six months, on and off. They’ll text me from time to time but I haven’t really wanted to speak to them because of what they’re been doing.

Are you currently in Georgia or where are you?

I actually–I…no I’m not. I wouldn’t want to speak on that.

Are you with other roommates? Are you free to go from where you are?

No, I wouldn’t speak on that as well.

If you watch Jocelyn’s body language throughout the interview, you can tell something else is going on here. You can clearly see her looking beyond the interviewer and beyond the camera to someone else in the room. And at one point, on her sweater, you can see the shadow of someone in the background motioning for her not the answer the question. If this young woman is free and clear to make her own decisions, why is she then being coached with her responses to questions from journalists? Why can’t she say she’s living in one state or another, or with roommates or not? Something’s not right.

The post One Of The Young Women Living With R Kelly Speaks Out appeared first on MadameNoire.

Image via WENN

It’s been a while since the storylines on “Love and Hip Hop Hollywood” have captured my attention. But something about the thought of Keyshia Cole appearing on the show, with her estranged husband, is so intriguing to me. I mean, Keyshia, no doubt, has always been an interesting one to watch and her on-again-off-again, “weeee are never ever getting back together” relationship with Daniel “Boobie” Gibson, her son’s father, is too good to be scripted. If their relationship drama wasn’t enough, another one of the cast members is doing a lot of flirting with Boobie.

Then there’s Safaree who seems to just be happy to be here, making sly references to his relationship with Nicki…as he moves on with other women and other artists.

Teairra Mari’s friends try to stage an intervention for her because they believe she is battling alcoholism.

Meanwhile, Ray J and Princess are trying to get pregnant, a process that’s proving very trying for their relationship.

Moniece is a lesbian now, a fact that is making her girlfriend’s friend very suspicious.

Check it all out in the trailer below.

Will you be watching this season?

The post Watch The New “Love and Hip Hop Hollywood” Trailer appeared first on MadameNoire.

After spending a great deal of time not wanting people to talk to her about her weight, Gabourey Sidibe has shared her story in her own way in her book, This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare. Since then, she’s been very outspoken about calling out and setting straight people who are way too consumed with the bodies of others.

In a recent podcast chat on Never Before with Janet Mock, Sidibe talked about her book and how after people started identifying her as her character of Precious, they also felt they could critique her body and push her to lose weight, for her “own good,” if they reminded her at every turn that she was big. It’s a common practice for people to believe that if they negatively speak or give tough love to you about your body, it will be the motivation necessary to get you to lose weight.

Today’s @NeverBeforePod features actress & author @GabbySidibe — a beacon of confidence, joy, wisdom & ferocity! https://t.co/pZp3vUqZ91 pic.twitter.com/W590ksREHX

— Janet Mock (@janetmock) July 18, 2017

The Empire actress and author called those people out and made it clear that they don’t want to help — they just want to tear you down.

“I never wanted to talk about my weight. I didn’t. And when all the movements started happening, I didn’t want to join the body acceptance movement because I thought I would be a detriment to it,” she said. “Because people would comment like, ‘She’s promoting like a really unhealthy lifestyle. She’s promoting being fat and beautiful and that’s not true and that’s really unhealthy.’ It’s like, I’m promoting a movie! I’m promoting a TV show! I’m not telling you what to eat, what not to eat. Because the honest truth of it is I have had several trainers throughout my life. I have been on every single diet throughout my life. I know what I look like.”

She continued, stating that just as she’s not out here worried about anyone else’s body, we shouldn’t be so worried about hers, or anyone else’s.

“People pretend that they care about my health by calling me a ‘fat disgusting b—h,'” Sidibe said. “You do not care about my health, you are just a giant gaping a–hole. And you think you can have an opinion about me but this is my body. I’m not out here in these streets writing think-pieces about how your d–k is too small.”

Last fall, she spoke about not letting that negativity mess with her spirit.

“How often do people tweet things at you that don’t make you feel great?” she said to Watch What Happens Live host Andy Cohen. “The second you decide to feel great about yourself, you feel great. It’s not the fame. It’s not the money. What little money there is — I’m not rich. It can’t come from some outside source. I got a lot of therapy in my life. I champion for therapy. Therapy is everything. Really sit with yourself, no matter what age you are. You have to figure out what about yourself you love.”

The post Gabourey Sidibe On Those Who Try To Fat Shame People Into Weight Loss: “You Are A Giant, Gaping A–hole” appeared first on MadameNoire.

Back in 2014, we told you that Terius “The-Dream” Nash married Lalonne Martinez at the City Hall in San Francisco. In that time, the couple has actually gone on to have two sons: Heir, born in 2015, and Lord, born last year. The pair recently announced that they are expecting their third child. Lalonne revealed on Instagram that she’s 35 weeks along:

As for The-Dream though, his announcement was a bit more colorful with cryptic captions and some frisky moments:

This will be the eighth child for the singer and songwriter. If you’ll recall, he married singer Nivea in 2004, and during the extent of their marriage (which formally ended in 2008), they had three kids together. The former couple welcomed twin sons London and Christian and a daughter named Talia.

The-Dream also has a daughter named Violet with his second wife, singer Christina Milian. The couple were married in 2009 and officially divorced in 2011.

He also has a son with a woman named Lydia Nam whom he was engaged to in 2013.

So yes, the little one on the way makes eight, and the couple couldn’t be happier. When they tied the knot in 2014, The-Dream said about Lalonne, “I LOVE YOU with my Whole Entire Heart and Spirit, God has blessed me in a Time where any man would feel overcome!” The “Falsetto” singer, while lauding his new Mrs., was speaking in reference to past claims by Nam that he had physically abused her. His connection with Lalonne helped him get through those allegations, which were dismissed by a judge in 2015.

“God has restored my Heart!”

The post When He’s Not Making Hits, He’s Making Babies: The-Dream Is Expecting His Eighth Child appeared first on MadameNoire.

Colin Kaepernick became a social justice hero in most of our eyes last year after he took a very public stand following the routine deaths of unarmed Black men, women, boys, and girls. The major points of Kaepernick’s resistance included refusing to stand during the National Anthem and pledging $1 million to community organizations. A minor point is he also grew out his hair and started rocking a ‘fro. It’s the latter Mike Vick chose to focus on during his appearance on “Speak For Yourself” yesterday.

Currently, Kaepernick is without a deal after being signed to the San Francisco 49ers for six years. Some say that’s because the quarterback didn’t do much for the team. Others think he’s being shut out of the league because of his strong social activism. Vick thinks he needs a haircut. He said when asked why he thinks Kaepernick is still unsigned and what he needs to do to land a deal:

“First thing we’ve got to get Colin to do is cut his hair. Listen, I’m not up here to try to be politically correct, but even if he puts cornrows in there, I don’t think he should represent himself in that way in terms of—just the hairstyle. Just go clean-cut. You know, why not? You’re already dealing with a lot of controversy surrounding this issue. The most important thing that he needs to do is just try to be presentable. All the social media stuff he’s doing—we get it, we understand it. It’s time for Colin to step up in a different way.”

"First thing we got to get Colin to do is cut his hair." — @MikeVick advises Kaepernick on rebuilding his image pic.twitter.com/YENvUPOIgP

— Speak For Yourself (@SFY) July 17, 2017

Sounds an awful lot like the argument Black boys just shouldn’t wear hoodies or they won’t be shot by armed neighborhood watchmen on their way home from the corner store, huh? Actually, it sounds more like Stockholm Syndrome, which Kaepernick perfectly pointed out on Instagram after hearing Vick’s words, which are particularly interesting given his past legal troubles (and cornrow hairstyle) and the fact that it wasn’t the people with afros who wanted to crucify him for engaging in dog fighting.

After the much-deserved backlash, Vick attempted to clear up his words on Twitter, saying Kaepernick’s lack of a job has nothing to do with his ‘fro.

pic.twitter.com/eiGP5HbI85

— Mike Vick (@MikeVick) July 18, 2017

Unfortunately, even without that detail, Vick’s words are still problematic and reek of a man who’d rather sacrifice the lives of Black people than risk taking a stand to make a change.

The post Mike Vick Became The Poster Child For Stockholm Syndrome When He Said Colin Kaepernick Needs To “Try To Be Presentable” appeared first on MadameNoire.

[caption id="attachment_836455" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Getty[/caption] We’ve already professed our love for model Ebonee Davis. We’ve talked about her wokeness, how she’s not afraid to speak up and out about diverse beauty standards, mainly including Black women, and issues that affect the Black community. She’s far more than just a pretty face. And when it’s not every day that people use their platform to say something, we’re glad she’s made it her mission to do so. And while that is certainly more important than the physical, today we’re here to celebrate all of the looks Ebonee has given us since she competed on “America’s Next Top Model” and wrote that letter to Harper’s Bazaar about the fashion industry. Check out the times she channeled some of our icons, the times she shut it down in a Pantene ad, or the times she looked amazing just being herself in the world.

#SuperModelSaturday ft #EboneeDavis ! @lrpeoples @ricardo_rivera @lacyredway @samanthalmua @nymag -#BlackGirlMagic #BehindTheRackTV #instastyle #instafashion #style #runway #fashionweek #fashionshow #glam #fashionglam #luxuryfashion #highfashion #fashiongram #fashiondesigner #fashionphotography #beauty #model #thecut #tbt #fbf

A post shared by Behind The Rack (@behindtheracktv) on Jun 3, 2017 at 9:27pm PDT

Josephine Baker

Royalty inside my DNA.

A post shared by Ebonee Davis (@eboneedavis) on May 31, 2017 at 10:01am PDT

Iman

What Happened, Miss Simone?

A post shared by Ebonee Davis (@eboneedavis) on May 31, 2017 at 3:41pm PDT

Nina Simone

Ebonee meets Mahogany. ✨ I appreciate all your love so much! Recreating these iconic images was such a dream; this is one of my favorite shoots to date! Thank you @lrpeoples and the rest of our amazing team @ricardo_rivera @lacyredway and @samanthalmua! ***** "The extrajudicial killing of black men and women prompted me to be more vocal about racism in the fashion industry because both police brutality and exclusion stems from the same system of oppression. Inclusion may be having a moment right now, but what happens when being inclusive isn’t on trend anymore? For change to endure, inclusion has to go beyond cool, beyond just hiring models of color; it has to be more than reactionary response to what’s happening in our society and politics, and making room for people of color on all levels.” To read the rest of my interview, check out @nymag #BlackGirlMagic

A post shared by Ebonee Davis (@eboneedavis) on Jun 1, 2017 at 11:34am PDT

Diana Ross

What's love got to do with it? @lacyredway went off! Do you see this hair?!

A post shared by Ebonee Davis (@eboneedavis) on Jun 1, 2017 at 10:34am PDT

Tina Turner

Ebonee Davis photographed by Ricardo Rivera for New York magazine . . . #publicrelations #pr #industrymenu #styling #editorial #newyorkmag #eboneedavis #fashion #blackgirlmagic tedtalks #photography #fashionphotography

A post shared by INDUSTRY MENU (@industrymenu) on Jul 7, 2017 at 1:51am PDT

Pat Cleveland

Savior of my tribe. @samanthalmua you killed this look! #MarshaHunt

A post shared by Ebonee Davis (@eboneedavis) on Jun 1, 2017 at 4:08am PDT

Marsha Hunt

Thank you for creating this story @lrpeoples, you are brilliant. #BlackGirlMagic

A post shared by Ebonee Davis (@eboneedavis) on May 31, 2017 at 6:43pm PDT

Donyale Luna

#ANTM #Cycle18's @eboneedavis spotting her @Pantene ad while out and about #EboneeDavis #ANTMAlumni #Pantene

A post shared by ANTM TEAM (@antmteam) on Jul 1, 2017 at 12:33pm PDT

Pantene

Curlfest is an example of what happens when Black women realize the power in creating our own spaces where we can celebrate one another, rather than begging others to create space for us. THIS is what we need. It was a reminder that freedom in created, not given. Never in my life have I seen so many unapologetic Black women in one place. Truly one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had. Speaking of coming together and supporting one another, Ms. @brandicedaniel connected me to @fenoel, a Black designer out of Brooklyn, who dressed me in this amazing jumpsuit! Let's keep creating spaces where we can come together to celebrate US and all of our magic! #ForUsByUs #Curlfest ✨

A post shared by Ebonee Davis (@eboneedavis) on Jul 18, 2017 at 10:03am PDT

CurlFest

The post Get Into All Of Ebonee Davis’ Looks appeared first on MadameNoire.